ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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