She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
