You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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