wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
