I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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