Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
