my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
