it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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