I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
