Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
