I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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