I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
