The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
