remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
