yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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