I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
