The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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