guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
