My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
