I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
