apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
