Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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