sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize