You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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