My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
