Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
