Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
