Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
