you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
