In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
