he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
