She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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