Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
