ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
