i don't like sucking hair
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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