just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
