youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
