Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He felt like a one man threesome
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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