Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
