Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
