they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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