so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
