If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
