How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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