I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
