you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize