you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
