They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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