if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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