It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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