Christians are straight up FREAKS
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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