Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
