last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
