maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
