It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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