i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
