FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
