Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
