dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
