Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
