Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize