This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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