Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
