It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
