The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Could be all of this cough syrup, but Iām ready to fuck 2018 up!
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