i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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