if only i could text you this smell
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
