it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
