Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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