No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
