if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
