Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
