you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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