i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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