I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im holly from the hills drunk
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
