My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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