I think I died a long time ago.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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