My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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