i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
