the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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