I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
