maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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