would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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