Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
