So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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