where am i from again
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
