so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
