Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
