So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
