He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize