I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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