it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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