u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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