Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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