Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
