Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You can't motorboat a personality
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
