Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
