Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
