The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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