we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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