how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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