He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Found your dick twin last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
