Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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