Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
