she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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