i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
