All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
