so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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